I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
