Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
