And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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