What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
