We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
