Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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