Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
