I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
