Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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