Where is the hickey?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
