hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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