When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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