omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
