I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
