How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
