Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
