they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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