The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
