...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
