you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god it's open bar.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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