Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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