I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
