Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
