Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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