I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
