Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
