google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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