what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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