I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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