I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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