I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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