My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
