Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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