I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
