I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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