So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
