I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
