Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
