I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
