i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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