Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
