I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I forget how to act sober
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
