if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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