I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
