I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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