just come out here and I will go home with you...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
