maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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