So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
