I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
