i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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