just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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