It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
