when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
