FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
