Where is the hickey?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
