its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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