LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize