Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
