if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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