i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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