my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
