There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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